Social skills
Social skills help children to build good relationships with other children and adults. Some children, however, have difficulties doing this because they lack the social skills required. This page describes these difficulties and provides some suggestions for parents about how they can improve their children's social skills.
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What are social skills?
Social skills are ‘learned behaviours that get positive responses from others’ (Slee, 1996). Some of the basic social skills include:
- listening (facing the speaker, one person speaking at a time, making eye contact)
- speaking (beginning conversations, keeping up conversations, taking turns, using an appropriate tone of voice , expressing feelings and opinions)
- body language (the expressions on your face, the way you stand, how close you are to the other person)
- getting on with others (being able to work in a team, being able to stand up for yourself, playing fairly, joining in, encouraging, giving useful feedback, picking up on other’s feelings, self control, patience, compassion)
- being able to deal with conflicts and disagreements (problem solving, bargaining, acting as a go-between, making decisions, patience, compassion, self control).
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The importance of social skills
Most children learn social skills through their regular daily lives, without needing to be specially taught. Those children who don't learn automatically, and who do not get special attention to help, may over time experience some of the following (McGrath & Francey, 1991):
- Problems with their behaviour.
- Difficulty with their schoolwork.
- Difficulty handling their emotions.
- Not being accepted by peers.
- Problems getting along with others.
- Being bullied.
- Low self-image.
- Problems that may bring them in contact with the law.
Why some children have difficulty developing social skills
There are a number of reasons why some children do not learn social skills. They may not have been provided with enough chances to learn them, or they may have learning difficulties that make it harder to develop these skills. For example, many children with learning difficulties may find it difficult to pick up spoken and unspoken 'signals' from other people, which must be understood to be able to learn social skills.
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What parents can do
Parents can teach their children many important skills by playing with them. In play, parents can show good sociable ways of behaving. Parents can also provide children with opportunities to play with children of their own age. This may mean inviting other children over to play, going to play groups, going to the playground, or becoming involved in recreational or sporting programs.
Disclaimer: General information only - you should consult with the relevant professional before using it with a particular child. See disclaimer details.
Social skills training
Many programs have been specially designed to teach children social skills. One such program is ‘STOP THINK DO’ (Adderley, Petersen & Gannoni, 1997) which uses traffic lights to show the steps to follow for children trying to get along together:
- Stop (red) means stop reacting automatically and using bad habits
- Think (yellow) means think about the choices you have to solve the problem and the likely results of these choices
- Do (green) means choose the behaviour with the best result and do it confidently
Some of the methods used to train in social skills include:
- instruction - different behaviours are taught in some detail and an attempt is made to carefully explain why they are so important in getting along with others
- role playing - this is where, after having the behaviours explained, the child is encouraged to act out short, real-life situations
- modelling – this is where the trainer demonstrates the behaviour that best matches the situation or draws attention to a peer who sets a good example
- homework – where the newly learned behaviour is practiced in real-life situations that are likely to be very rewarding for the child.
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How Novita can help
Novita psychologists:
- run social skills groups, which can develop into friendship groups
- provide counselling for children separately or for the whole family.
- can provide information to teachers to help them encourage social skills in the classroom and the playground.
For more information
Novita psychologist
Psychologists can provide information on future social skills groups, resources in the community, and counselling.
Helpful books
Helpful books may be obtained through the Novita Toy & Resource Centre.
Disclaimer Detail: The above information on is of a general nature only and does not constitute advice. Novita Children's Services makes no representations, express or implied, as to the accuracy, usefulness, suitability or application of the information to a child's particular circumstances. Use of the information above is at your sole risk, and you should seek professional advice before acting or relying on the information. Novita Children's Services accepts no liability for any damages or loss that may arise from the use of, or any omission from, the information provided. In using this site, you are agreeing to the Terms and Conditions of Use for the site.